Dealing with Grief & Loss
Professional Caregivers
In the film City of Angels, Meg Ryan plays a cardiac surgeon whose loss of a patient has a devastating effect on her. While some may presume healthcare professionals acquire some form of resistance to the pain attached to losing someone in their care, there is much evidence to the contrary.
While mortality is a fact of life, if loss is not processed, grief can become insidious—like an unacknowledged cancer that spreads until it is too late. While family caregivers are “allowed” to grieve, all too often professional caregivers are expected to ignore feelings of loss and move on to the next client. But this can have disastrous results.
“When my last client passed, I’d been a caregiver for 18 years,” said Clarice B. of New York. “I’d lost clients in their 80s and 90s, though it never got easier. At first I tried to convince myself that it was part of the job, and I needed to act ‘professional.’ But after a while I couldn’t eat or sleep and became very depressed. With help, I came to understand that being professional means being responsible—not only for my clients, but in taking care of myself so I can continue to give my all.”
So how do you acknowledge loss in a healthy way and keep going?
Caregivers are not machines. It is natural to become emotionally invested in the mental, physical, and emotional outcomes of their clients, especially if they are together for a long period of time. A bond may form that enables the client to better respond to the caregiver, which is quite rewarding for the latter. When that relationship no longer exists, the caregiver is left with a sense of emptiness which some equate with losing their own family member. At that time, reaching out to others who may be available such as an understanding supervisor or sympathetic co-workers can help manage feelings of pain and loss.
Ahead of that, experts say while the temptation to give everything to a client who needs so much is always there, maintaining a work/life balance going in is always recommended. It’s essential to invest in family time, time for worship if that’s important, and socializing with friends to create a productive, meaningful life. Family and friends make up our support systems, and being able to talk to them about loss can ease the difficult journey.
It is also important to give yourself permission to take time for yourself. Exercise, a great book or movie, cooking with family, journaling, volunteering, a favorite hobby, day trips to a special spot—anything that takes your mind off things along the way can help lighten your load.
