Self-Care for Caregivers:
Family Caregivers
If you are caring for a senior loved one—parent; grandparent; spouse—chances are you have learned to do without adequate sleep, regular meals, exercise, social activities with friends and family, and any downtime or other form of stress relief.
Caregiving is 24/7, with family caregivers at increased risk for depression and excessive use of alcohol, tobacco, and other drugs. Experts say family caregivers are more likely to suffer from chronic illness including high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and being overweight. Some studies indicate as much as 59 percent of family caregivers are clinically depressed.
Clearly caregiving for home health aides and others you may hire to assume some of the responsibility is challenging for them. But when it’s a family member for whom you are personally caring, the responsibility that comes with that moment-to-moment kind of mental, emotional, and physical investment can be overwhelming. It’s not all that uncommon for the caregiver to end up in the hospital, succumbing to physical and mental exhaustion.
“When I realized I was the one responsible for keeping my husband alive, it was all I could do to make time to shower and dress each morning, and have a piece of toast,” said Marianne B., 70, of Philadelphia. “On the worst days, I just didn’t do it.”
So what can a caregiving family member do to alleviate some of the unrelenting pressure and stress? While you can’t stop time, you can take control of your own life by being open to change and adopting a few self-care practices.
Identifying Beliefs and Patterns
Though not true for all, for some caregivers, putting others’ needs ahead of their own has been a lifelong pattern. Somewhere, sometime, they got the message that it’s selfish to acknowledge anything about themselves—that they are unworthy or have to prove their worth—even to the point of exhaustion and illness themselves in the process. While hardcore beliefs are hard to change, oftentimes giving yourself permission to seek professional help in terms of individual counseling, and/or attending group sessions for family caregivers, can open the door to a brand new perspective as well as a new support network.
Acceptance and Action
Experts recommend identifying the things we cannot change vs. what we can. While we can’t stop the progression of age or illness, or how they impact the loved on in our care, we can change our attitude in relation to it. Acceptance, though perhaps uncomfortable at first, goes a long way in our ability to manage the circumstances in which we find ourselves. Also, taking the first step in self-care doesn’t have to be a giant one. Committing to five weekly sessions with a personal trainer may be a lot to bite off and chew. Rather, a daily walk with a neighbor, or an hour or two out for coffee, a movie, or some retail therapy with a friend, are small steps that can provide a necessary break and lift from a challenging routine. Eventually you can build upon this foundation, but for now they allow you to return refreshed and happy, better able to handle your daily life.
